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It has been a wonderfully crazy year for our family! In June we were lucky enough to sell our home in Payson in only two day at full price. We have happily moved into my parents’ place in Woodland Hills while they are on their mission. My parents are enjoying their mission in beautiful New Zealand, those lucky little dogs. Speaking of dogs, we are the unlucky caretakers of my parents’ dearly beloved mutt Shampski. My dad’s last words of advice before leaving on his mission was, “Remember John, you are a guest in Shampski’s home, and don’t forget it.” Such comments, coupled with the fact that he has dreadfully bad breath, an annoyingly high pitched bark, incessantly marks his territory, and sheds uncontrollably, makes Shampski a splendid host. I know Shampski is merely trying to help us feel welcome in his home, but when he licks his infected rear then gives one of our children a welcoming lick to the face only seconds later I want to dry heave—seriously. While some people are worried about the Swine Flu, I worry about where Shampki’s rear has been and what it has done! Yes, it has been truly a joy to be a guest in Shampski’s home.
For Shampski’s rear licking problem the vet issued Shampski his very own “cone of shame.” You know the cone that goes around the dog’s neck like in the movie UP. We have now affectionately nicknamed him “Shameless Shampski.” Recently Shampski saw some deer in the yard and began to bark and run back and forth throughout the house as he usually does, although this time, still getting used to his new cone, caught his cone on the corner wall and went sprawling across the floor—Shampski quickly recovered though and despite his intimidating new look, still wanted to scare the deer away. I am not so sure whether it was Shampski or his cone, but the deer were certainly startled no doubt wondering what kind of animal was now coming towards them.
Besides temporarily adding Shampski to our family, we have permanently added a new baby boy, Miles Joseph (or MJ for you old Michael Jordan fans). He was born October 21 and is our biggest baby yet, at 8 lb. 11 oz.! Despite popular belief that liquid only diets like Slim Fast actually helps a person lose weight, Miles’s liquid only diet has had quite the opposite effect. In fact, he has had unprecedented weight gain. Unfortunately, Miles has been restricted to a wardrobe of stretchy pants only, as typical blue jeans are not made for a baby with his unique dimensions.
St. Shasta (30) has brought another child to the world through natural childbirth without ever swearing. I don’t know how she does it! I hit my head on a cabinet and it just comes out. Her restraint under such extreme duress of childbirth is saintly! Weaker women would succumb to profanity and blasphemy under such pain, but not my sweet Shasta, not even a crude word slipped from her sweet lips.
Recently, Mckenzie (7) had her younger brother Sterling (5) in a headlock when I arrived home—remember mom is nursing and the kids know when the bump on a log isn’t going to move—anyway, Mckenzie had Sterling in a headlock on the ground and Sterling was crying for mercy. I just hope that Mckenzie cherishes these moments as soon her three temporarily “little” brothers will soon be chasing her all over the house as she runs for her life looking for Mom to save her from certain death or torture.
Sterling (5) has found a few new loves this year—BBQ ribs, shrimp, and a great sense of humor. Last year our pediatrician said Sterling needed to stop eating butter and whip cream and other fatty foods, so we just went out and found a new pediatrician instead. He is much happier now, and so are we.
Tyson (2) is the current Wii boxing champion in our family with 9 wins and only one heartbreaking loss. Ty works up quite a sweat wildly swinging his arms as fast as he can beating up anyone who dares fight him. To be honest, most people are too busy laughing hysterically at him to really put up a fight. He puts on quite a show!
